4 questions to ask your partner before starting marriage counseling in San Diego, CA.

Thinking About Starting Marriage Counseling

The longer you have been married, the more likely you are to have settled into familiar patterns and routines as a couple. As individuals, your days are most likely filled with various challenges, arising from work, children, hobbies, or friendships. These challenges may even overflow into your marriage, causing strain and stress, which upsets those familiar patterns, routines and the connection you feel with your spouse. Over time this builds up, causing significant disruptions in your relationship. It may even leave you wondering why it is you are together. Up to 50% of marriages end in divorce, and you may be wondering if your marriage can be saved. If you are considering marriage counseling, pause and ask yourself (not necessarily together – as this is the work of therapy!), these 4 questions before starting. These will help you identify what is going on in your relationship and how to start therapy successfully.

1. How do each of you see the problem in your relationship?

In each couple we have worked with, the problem(s) identified by each spouse may have a common theme, but each person’s perspective and opinion on what the problem is, is always quite different. In most cases, it doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong, or even if there is a right or wrong. What does matter is that each spouse is able, and willing, to articulate and describe their experience and their perspective. This may actually be harder than it sounds! Over time, feelings get hurt, creating an environment in which a couple may not feel “safe” sharing their experiences and feelings with one another. It is really hard to be vulnerable when it doesn’t feel safe.

2. Do you see strengths in your relationship?

When we are caught up in feeling negative and distressed about something, it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to find the positives in a situation. The same is true with couples. The more struggles and problems there are, the more difficult it becomes to find positives in your relationship. It is however, a critical ingredient in making a relationship work. It is helpful for each of you, as well as your future therapist, to have an awareness of what those strengths might be.

3. How would you describe your connection to each other?

You both have a connection to one another, even if it feels very disconnected at the moment. The goal of therapy is to help you both rediscover and strengthen the bond between the two of you. To that end, it helps to know how you currently connect with one another. When thinking about this question, consider how safe you feel in your marriage, the level of trust you have with one another, and who you turn to in times of distress. It is also helpful to think about how you interact with one another – is there a lot of fighting / withdrawal / avoidance?

4. How would you like your marriage to be?

This is another critical question. It taps into your hopes and dreams for your marriage and helps us to identify what we are working toward.

Not only that, but it also helps to hear your spouse identify their hopes and dreams for your marriage. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you hear. Conversely, you might recognize that you have both been working towards very different goals, which may shed some light on the struggles you have been experiencing as a couple.

These 4 questions are a great launching pad for beginning therapy. It lays the foundations of what is currently happening in your relationship and also provides a pathway to where you want your relationship to end up.

If you are ready to begin marriage counseling, follow the steps below:

1. Contact Headway Therapy.
2. Meet with one of our expert couples counseling therapists.
3. Build a stronger connection with your partner.

Other Counseling Services at Headway Therapy

Couples counseling is not the only service we offer in our Encinitas therapy group. Other mental health services at Headway Therapy include treatment for depression and mood, anxiety treatment, therapy for teens, therapy for children, counseling and support for infertility, and therapy for pregnant and postpartum families. We look forward to connecting with you!